My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
