After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your penis caused this!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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