Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well you can't waste a boner
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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