Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
