I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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