Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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