I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
