My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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