to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
