I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
