2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
