Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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