I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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