I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
