awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drake has all the answers
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
