rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
