She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
