Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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