Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
A+ Viking dick
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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