I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My penis needs a shock collar
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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