whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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