My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
