the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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