I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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