It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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