Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
