Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
