Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
