i barfeds in our rink
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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