I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
