I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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