respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
