Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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