when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
