the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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