Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
