My nipple is on Facebook.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
