I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
