the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
