So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
