the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
