I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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