When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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