HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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