It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
