Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Congratulations! We have a period
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize