Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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