I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize