Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
