Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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