we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
