He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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