Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
