wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
