I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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