I love black thongs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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