How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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