so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
