he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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