I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
