She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
