No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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