just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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