Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
