I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
