I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
