just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
