my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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