When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
3pm strippers are depressing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
