yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
